Monday, March 12, 2018

You can't just wait for a perfect dream

Drawing and music run in my family, yet I'm the only artist.

I grew up in the presence of a mysterious object. It was an engaging oil painting of a sunset at sea. Somehow I used to be fine with the fact that my father only made one painting. There may have been others but this was the one hanging on the wall saying "I can paint."

He was a welder who lost interest in painting. He didn't persist.
I remember my grandfather suddenly playing a melody on a keyboard. Someone else in the past had apparently played a mandolin. I always heard stories about skills but never about serious artists. They never talked about ideas. They never had the patience to develop a taste. You will develop a taste if you care and let it develop.

I want to experience the world in the form of exhilarating ideas.
I'm going to be the guy who actually does these things. That is my greatest dream. Just do. Just be.

I never wanted to give up and gutlessly announce "I can't do this all the time." I'm naturally going from one idea to the next. I feel like I'm adding something because I'm awake and embracing real challenges. This is why I feel less lonely and anxious in an indifferent world of trivial or mindlessly entertaining challenges.

I hardly ever get ideas from dreams, but I do all kinds of things unconsciously. It's not about waiting, it's about feeding my subconscious and connecting things. Most of the time ideas come in a flash. If I start something I will finish it without tedious planning. I've learned not to dismiss vague fragments. When you're more familiar with your subconscious you start losing the attachment to one goal. Instead of waiting for a perfect dream you start discovering and introducing timeless and dreamlike elements.

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