Monday, December 31, 2012

My word

The opposite is not always true.

Pride can't walk on its own.

Flags won't do justice to anything.

Never put all your atoms in one bomb.

We are all born afraid but only some of us die itching.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Why do I cry?

I cry whenever I see condoms exploited.

I cry, therefore I dribble.

I cry because bananas stole my thunder.

I cry in order to stretch my puffy face.

I cry tears of joy when oriental discretion is advised.

I cry because I'm unemployed and these eyebrows need shampoo.

I cry a puddle and call it a career.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Things I Appreciate

Tiny children with husky voices.

Confused looks on iconic faces.

Awards for kissy lip service.

The boredom of standardised success.

Eye-opening lunges.

The front of a place in the back and the place in the back of the front.

Just browsing.

Sanitised life clearing its throat on a flight of stairs.

Cynical smirks on a sinking ship.

Getting a runny nose from spiced up compliments.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Lovely things you can say without lips

Those daisies crush all deathly notions.

I understand. That is not the only delicacy concerning the clergy.

Hand out your cheerless cares directly to a tickle artist.

I hardly curse sailors to hell.

The next decade should know it.

I saw your randy granddaddy staring at tourists.

That Kirk Douglas sure neatens the indolent.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Neglected Music Surplus

"Love in the Cake Hole" by Naked Relatives

"People Need Help Like I Need Money" by The Hallowed Alliance Ensemble

"Come Here and Fight Like a Turkey" by Hank Havesome

"Tax, Wax & Relax" by Pope Innocent Enough II

"That's Not a Carrot, This Is a Carrot" by Wobbly Wizard

"Adolf Hitler Had a Farm", an Atlantean military rhyme

"Them Babies Don't Work No More" by Beh Beh

"Methinks I Wrote Paradise Lost" by Pungent Mirth

"I Lost My Mother (Fucking Mind)" by Patsy Cline

"These Nuts Have Already Cracked" by The Imperial Quiz Board

"Never Trust a Stranger with Your Face" by Iffy Sibylla

"We Are the Children" by The Whack Balls

"Cheap Fire" by Free Heat

"I Will Always Love Eggs" by Gordon Gurion Goodthrough

Friday, September 28, 2012

Droppings in a mouthful

Is it ecumenical to use anointments for cleaning tables?

Does Satan blog in Hell's steamy glow?

Never forget the strange case of slippery playboy's misty eyebrows.

Face the Mice - Crisis Management for Elephants in Rooms.

I can't believe I'm the only one who's thinking about God when I'm clutching my crucifix.

The best part of shooting people in the testicles is lifting up the penis.

Atheism is the greatest hobby.

Y'all come back now verbatim.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Pieces of Finnish folk poetry


"viekeä minua maata
tupatkate tuutumahan
kirkon kirjatun sivuun
satalauan lappeasen
tervaporstuan poveen
lihavaan luumäkeen
vierelle vihannan nurmen:
siell on äiä äänetöntä
paljo paksua väkeä."

"take me to lie down
lay me down to sleep
at the side of the bright church
beside the hundred-boarded
right inside the tarry porch
on the fat bone-hill
beside the lush grass:
there many silent folk are
crowded together."

- The Dying Maid from Finnish Folk Poetry: Epic

 "Surma syömättä eleä,
maan kumma makoamatta,
kova onni kostumatta,
kalma ilman kasvamatta,
kova onni kuolematta"

Death lives without eating,
earth's adversity without rest,
ill luck without enlivenment,
grave without growing,
ill luck without loss

- Suomen kansan vanhat runot XV

Friday, August 31, 2012


"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Pieces of Finnish folk poetry


"Ei sanat sanoihin puutu,
virret veisaten vähene"

Words won't disappear into words,
hymns won't run out because of chants.

- Kanteletar I, 9.

"Mieleni minun tekevi,
aivoni ajattelevi
lähteäni laulamahan,
saa'ani sanelemahan,
sukuvirttä suoltamahan,
lajivirttä laulamahan.
Sanat suussani sulavat,
puhe'et putoelevat,
kielelleni kerkiävät,
hampahilleni hajoovat."

"I have a good mind
take into my head
to start off singing
begin reciting
reeling off a tale of kin
and singing a tale of kind.
The words unfreeze in my mouth
and the phrases are tumbling
upon my tongue they scramble
along my teeth they scatter."

- Kalevala

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Ring The Piranha OCD Hit Parade

Tunes that tickle the back of my thighs.

. Pokela, Kontio, Sariola: Kalevalainen sävelmä (Kalevala melody)
. Jean Sibelius: Andante festivo, Tuonelan joutsen (swan of Tuonela), Sydämeni laulu (song of my heart)
. Giuseppe Verdi: Dies irae
. Claude Debussy: Clair de lune, Nocturnes
. Erik Satie: Gymnopedie 1, Gnossienne 1
. Pyotr Tchaikovsky: Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
. Louis Vierne: Andantino
. Dmitri Shostakovich: String Quartet 2, Symphony 8
. Bernard Herrmann: Psycho Prelude
. Ennio Morricone: L'uomo dell'armonica, Giu la testa, La bambola
. Wendy Carlos: Title Music from A Clockwork Orange
. Ornette Coleman: Peace, Blues Connotation
. Miles Davis: Bitches Brew
. Jouni Kesti & Seppo I. Laine: Vallankumouksen analyysi (analysis of revolution)
. Diamanda Galas: The Litanies of Satan, Deliver Me From Mine Enemies
. Angelo Badalamenti: The Voice of Love
. Dick Dale & His Del-Tones: Misirlou
. Skip James: Devil Got My Woman
. Little Richard: Lucille
. Otis Redding: Satisfaction (from "In Person at the Whisky a Go Go")
. Jimi Hendrix: Manic Depression, Johnny B. Goode (from "Hendrix in the West")
. Black Sabbath: Iron Man, Lord of This World, Into the Void, Supernaut
. Discharge: Is This to Be?
. Terveet Kädet: Tornion kevät (spring in Tornio)
. Napalm Death: Scum
. Celtic Frost: Procreation of the Wicked, Circle of the Tyrants, Dethroned Emperor, Fainted Eyes
. Mana Mana: Kuolla elävänä (to die alive)

Sunday, August 12, 2012

His Majesty the Policeman
by Lord Buckley

    I got to thinking about His Majesty, The Policeman, see.
    I figured that must be the draggiest job in the world.
    And what a drag it is going out on a good day.
    You're feeling really good.
    You're riding along and your squad car is all polished up,
    you know what I mean.
    And you're feeling real mellow.
    Along comes some poor stud with one
    loaded with kids, like flower pots all over the place.
    Going a little too fast, you know what I mean.
    You've got to stop the cat.
    You've got to bring him down and lay one on him.
    It's a pretty tough job
    and when you walk up to him you don't know
    whether they're going to pull out
    a French seventy-five or what-the.
    It's a drag. So, I wrote a little thing called:

    His Majesty, The Policeman,
    He's the children's friend at every bend,
    The Policeman
    And you can bet your life,
    He's hip to Mack the Knife
    That's His Majesty, The Policeman

    You should never trip a policeman
    Or try to hip or even tip a policeman
    Get a ticket to the ball
    And you can't fight city hall
    That's His Majesty, The Policeman

    So remember their nobility
    They're here, they're there, they're everywhere it's mobility
    You can look near and far but they'll pin you by radar
    That's Their Majesty, The Policeman

    Here they come - hewbetty boop
    The Man In Blue - hoobbit bop
    The Sargent's there - ribbetty bip
    The Patrolman too - hahbetta bop
    The Chief looks great - hahbetta bop
    The Captain's straight - ribbetty bip
    Hip Hip Hurray - da da da dah
    The Royal Crew - Habetta bahbetta bah

    You always try to swing with a policeman
    And never ring-a-ding a policeman
    And if you're really hip
    You'll never make a slip
    Against Their Majesties, The Policemen

From The Bad-Rapping of the Marquis de Sade, World Pacific, 1969
Recorded live in Oakland, California, 1960

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Old Man and Death

AN OLD MAN was employed in cutting wood in the forest, and, in carrying the faggots to the city for sale one day, became very wearied with his long journey. He sat down by the wayside, and throwing down his load, besought "Death" to come. "Death" immediately appeared in answer to his summons and asked for what reason he had called him. The Old Man hurriedly replied, "That, lifting up the load, you may place it again upon my shoulders."

Fables of Aisopos

Translated by George Fyler Townsend

Confirmed neck leaks

You can't cook an old stew with new steam.

Pablo Cubasso painty picture horny beast.

Swiss drops keep falling on my cheese.

Which one of you organisms speaks forest?

Throw some honey in the registry and pop goes jehovah.

I feel like a kid in a candy store when I steal false teeth from the elderly.

Twitter? Don't give me odd jobs, you lump!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

"Remember that no two things are ever the same."

Steve Allen: How to Think

Saturday, May 12, 2012

"Ukkoni tulinen turkki,
Ämmöni palava paita 
Tuonelasta tuotakoon, 
Päälleni puettakoon"

Fiery fur of my fathers,
 Red wrap of my mothers
Fetched from netherworld,
 Arrayed around me

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

"The fox urinated in the sea: the entire sea is my urine."
- Sumerian proverb

"Siinä on lissää, sano itikka kun mereen pissi."
(There's more, said the mosquito, as it peed into the sea.)
- Finnish

"Ei meijjän kanat rupia siun tähen persettään repimään,
sano Paakkalan mies Viipurin torilla, kun rouva moitti munia pieniiks."
(My hens are not going to tear their ass because of you,
said Paakkala at the Vyborg market when a lady complained
that his eggs were too small.)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

My irony surpasses all others

I, the first consciousness of chaos
arose from the abyss
to harden matter, to set forms

Odilon Redon

Monday, March 19, 2012

Pieces of Finnish folk poetry


 "Voi sinä vihanen vittu,
puolen kyrpe purasit"

"Vittulat sotahan lähti
vasten kyrpiä sotahan"

"Kyrpä kuusehen kykäsi
niinkuin kultainen orava
eli näätä kultarinta.
Vittu nousi kannon päähän
niinkuin leveä lehmän paska,
riekisteli, rääkisteli:
- Tule kulta kulkkuhuni,
hopea ikenihini!
Kyrpä vastasi vakainen:
- Tulkoot tuliset nuolet
sinun kutta kulkkuhusi,
ilkiä ikenihisi!
Kyllä muistan muinosetki
ikuset pahat tekosi:
veitpä väänit silmästäni,
aivot päästäni pusersit,
nahan kuorit korvilleni."

Oh you cursed cunt,
cut off half a cock

The cunts went to war,
a war against the cocks

Cock sprinted up a spruce
like a golden squirrel,
a gleaming weasel.
Cunt climbed onto a stump,
like a caked cow's shit,
jeering and sneering:
- Come, golden, into my gullet,
through my mouth!
Cock replied resentfully:
- Let arrows of lightning
come into your grievous gullet,
your miserable mouth!
I can think thoroughly back to
your every evil deed:
stole the strength of my eye,
squashed the brains out of my skull,
stripped the skin up to my ear.

- My translations of verses from Finnish folk poems
Vitun vihat (Curse of cunt)
Vitun synty (Creation of cunt)

Suomen kansan vanhat runot (Old Finnish folk poetry)
loitsuja (spells)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A man from out of space
Said, 'I'm from a superior race.
You're all inferior
While I am superior.'
Then he tripped and fell flat on his face.

- Spike Milligan, 101 Limericks

I wished to suggest by means of a simple nude, a certain long-lost barbaric luxury.

- Paul Gauguin

Perhaps it will soon dawn on the most alert of the teen-activists that moving only among the poetry of one's own generation, one's own ideology, one's own brand of modernism, one's own country and continent, is the worst kind of philistinism. The authentic poetry of the people has more to tell about Africa, Latin America, south-east Asia than any slogan or programme which western and eastern propaganda organisations echo from the developing countries back to Europe.

- Matti Kuusi, World Poetry 1974

Friday, January 13, 2012

Finnish music picks, folk and classical

Songs that move me a great deal.

Martti Pokela
-- Riekko hangella (Willow Grouse on a Snowdrift)
-- Seitakivi (Seita Stone)
-- Unna ulla nunnu
from "Keskiyön auringon lauluja" (Songs of the Midnight Sun) SFLP 8500, 1969. Based on Lapponian melodies.
-- Muut ne kuuli kirkonkellot (Others Heard the Church Bells)
-- Itkevä tyttö (Weeping Girl)
-- Talapakan Nikolai
from "Kantele of Finland", SLP 531, 1965. Traditional Finnish.

Martti Pokela, Matti Kontio, Eeva-Leena Sariola
-- Kalevalainen sävelmä (Kalevala Melody)
from "Kantele", FACD 018, 1990.

Martti Pokela ja Eeva-Leena Sariola
-- Vanha pelimanni (Old Musician)
from "Kanteleet", LJLP 1027, 1983.
-- Piru kellotapulissa (Devil in the Belfry)

Teppo Repo
-- Omasta päästä, "kävelykeppi" (Improvisation, "walking stick" flute)
-- Paimensäveliä, truba (Shepherd's Tunes, truba trumpet)
from "Paimensoittaja Teppo Repo" (Herdsman's Music from Ingria), KICD 7, 1994

Konsta Jylhä
-- Vaiennut viulu (Silent Violin)

Jean Sibelius
-- Andante festivo (at a festive walking pace)
-- Tuonelan joutsen (The Swan of Tuonela [underworld])
-- Sydämeni laulu (The Song of My Heart)