Things you don't know about me

I once plunged up a policeman's canal and blew a whistle.

I grow a pinch of an inch every time I get thrown out of a restaurant.

I rattle fish traps like a horny latino.

I always watch the Laplandish news to see if there's any spume worth questioning.

I am the last death bed sniffer.

My butt is itching to tell lies and I don't know which way to walk it off.