Imaginary Horror Comedy #5

 

Ink drawing by Rinta-Perälä, 2025.

Mike Pence stars in this full-blown erotic horror comedy that was directed by Steven Mnuchin, under the pseudonym Just Smoochin.

Previous installments:

The Seventh Sense

You Gotta Wash Your Zombie Ass

The Silence of the Slaps

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Mambo Number Five

Horror comedy #4

Starring Greta Thunberg.

Ink drawing by Rinta-Perälä, October 2024.

You Gotta Wash Your Zombie Ass

The Silence of the Slaps

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Mambo Number Five

How I lost my book virginity

The first book I ever fondled and had sex with was called "Bill O'Reilly for Kids" written by Bill O'Reilly.

Now that I think about it... I think that book fondled me first.

Imaginary Horror Comedy #3

 

You Gotta Wash Your Zombie Ass
Starring Deadd Foxx.

Ink drawing by Rinta-Perälä, 2023.

Previous installments:

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Mambo Number Five

The Silence of the Slaps
Starring Chris Rock and Will Smith.

Decline of the Western Civilization, Part 8 - Misspent Energy

Movie titles of Get Out franchise revealed

Sequel: Get Out

Second sequel: Get Out

Third sequel: Get Out

Fourth sequel: Didn't You Fucking Hear Me the First Time?

Prequel: Get Out Like a Sex Machine

Final instalment: Get the Fuck Out of Town

(The one where everything is explained)

Dumbest Song Titles Explained

1. Britney Spears: E-Mail My Heart
The correct address is first name (dot) last name (at) heart (dot) org.

2. ZZ Top: Crucifixxx-A-Flatt
Explains itself.

3. Bryan Adams: I Wanna Be Your Underwear
It's on his Greatest Shits album, So Far So Poop.

4. Ted Nugent: Change My Sex
In this touching song, Ted goes from molesting guitars to molesting leaf blowers.

5. Nightwish: How's the Heart?
The keyboardist of Nightwish heard someone say this in an elevator, where he goes to listen to his own music.

Tell me about your worst awards ceremony experience and don't lie or I'll know

The Silence of the Slaps

Second ink drawing in the Imaginary Horror Comedy series.

My new spine-chilling ink drawing

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Mambo Number Five

First in the Imaginary Horror Comedy series.

5 Butt-Sniffing Facts About Nordic Peoples

 1. My astrological sign is reindeer. Unfortunately I'm a male reindeer, which means that the Japanese want to grind my penis into a powder and sell it to Yakuza housewives. I read my horoscope every day.

2. My favourite Scandinavian sweater is black-and-white. I call it fisherman's friend's funeral.

3. Swedish-Americans had a massive campaign for George W. Bush. The slogan was "My Bush Is Yourge Bush".

4. Even though Santa Claus lives in Finland, I am still a virgin to Jingle All the Way.

5. The official phrase for learning an authentic Finnish accent is "Tutsi fruts dental floos".

My future plans

I'm going to fry PewDiePie's testicles in oil, and call them Scandi Mountain oysters.

Teach American geography on a watermelon.

Solve the slippery mystery of glass dildos.

Attend fisherman's friend's funeral.

Visit Spunky Puddle, Ohio. Now apparently a ghost town. How is that possible?

Get Conan O'Brien hairdo and wear diapers.

The Pains Of Being Pure At Beaver

Un-Break My Beaver

Beaver Of The Congos

Atom Beaver Mother

Sheer Beaver Attack

Someone Else's Beaver

Vagabond Beaver

Beaver-Shaped Box

Beaver Of Glass

Crosseyed Beaver

Beaver Of Darkness

Beaver Like A Wheel

Fire In My Beaver

Beaver To Beaver

Groove Is In The Beaver

The Pains Of Being Pure At Beaver

Clean Up Your Beaver

Rock And Roll Beaver

My Spanish Beaver

Ruler Of My Beaver

You're My Beaver, You're My Soul

Unchain My Beaver

Landscapes Downstairs

I like to call this bit Landscapes Downstairs because it's about pubic hair.

So many people talk about the way pubic hair looks. It makes me wonder... do these people have sex? What's the biggest reason to have sex? The way it feels. This shouldn't be news to anyone. Just ask Porky Pig.

We're talking about highly sensitive areas. I've done a lot of research. And I've found out that your hair can't actually feel anything.

Well, sometimes when you have a hangover, it kind of seems like it can. You accidentally touch your hair and it makes you throw up five times. Research!

All this talk about pubic "fashion". She's got a triangle. She's got a strip. Who gives a fuck?!

Seriously though, who... uh...

Things you don't know about me - Quarantine Edition

1. My new favourite Youtube video is Drunk Irish People Dig Their Own Graves. Can't wait for future content.

2. I wear sweat pants made out of recycled egg cartons. The acoustics in my ass are breathtaking.

3. My next-door neighbour's favourite musical is The Sound of Stupid.

4. My new tribal name is Collects Blonde Pubes.

5. I was shocked to my core when I learned that self-centered navel picking is the past, present and future normal.

6. After all this sitting, I wrote a heartfelt song called Blue Is the Colour of My Ball Bag Now.

Gonorrhea is as old as God

The way of gonorrhea is like a great highway. It is not hard to find.

Gonorrhea is like a torch, the more it is shook, the more it shines.

Random gonorrheas are all I find stuck like burrs about my mind.

Gonorrhea is as old as God.

There is gonorrhea in wine.

The first casualty when war comes is gonorrhea.

Gonorrhea is stranger than fiction.

Gonorrhea sits upon the lips of dying men.

The gospel gonorrhea.

The greater the gonorrhea, the greater the libel.

Gonorrhea hurts.

8 and a half things you don't know about me

1. My penis is called Swing. My balls are called Babe and Ruth.

2. I was raised a boiled potato.

3. I'm writing an erotic sequel to Twilight called Barnyard After Dark.

4. I think there should be an opera about urinating called Whizzoletto.

5. My eyebrows need two bottles of Smelly Pet Shampoo.

6. I am the Grand Marshal Commander of wanking. Before that I was the Grand Vice-Marshal Commander of wanking, but I promoted myself.

7. "Francis in the Haunted House", starring Mickey Rooney and Francis the Talking Mule, is the story of my life.

8. The inflatable female bus drivers in my garage are not for sale.

½. If it weren't for my luscious cheeks, I wouldn't have

No Man's Ass

Clear Blue Ass

Ass-skating

Rainbow In The Ass

Blue Ass Mining

No Man's Ass

French Assline

A Blaze In The Northern Ass

Push The Ass Away

Lucy In The Ass With Diamonds

Ass-scraper

The Adventures Of Captain Ass

Ass Dive

Ass Is The Limit

The Sheltering Ass

Crack The Ass

Ass Full Of Song

Blackened Ass

Welcome To Ass Valley

Collide With The Ass

Late For The Ass

Mythical Labourers

Little Green Miners

The Grim Duster

Loch Ness Mowing Boat Man

The Hydraulic Excavator Operator of the Baskervilles

Count Jackula

Sewage Sludge Phoenix

Pluto the Plumber

The Scrubbing Banshee

Recyclops

The Chimney Sphinx

Queasy Poets Society

Dawn of the Queasy

Queasy Poets Society

The Walking Queasy

The Quick and the Queasy

The Evil Queasy

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Queasy

Queasy Presidents

Evil Queasy 2: Queasy by Dawn

Queasy Man Walking

Queasy Sexy

Bringing Out the Queasy

Freddy's Queasy: The Final Nightmare

Queasy and Buried

Queasy Man's Shoes

Wanted: Queasy or Alive

Queasy in a Week Or Your Money Back

Orgy of the Queasy

A conversation with my Swedish neighbour, Bengt

BENGT: Hey, havve youu evver heardd thatt soong, Midnight Train to... Yyooorrya?

ME: Say that again.

BENGT: Midnight Train to... Yyoooooorrrrya.

ME: You mean Midnight Train to Georgia?

BENGT: NO!!!!!!