Lovely things you can say without lips

Those daisies crush all deathly notions.

I understand. That is not the only delicacy concerning the clergy.

Hand out your cheerless cares directly to a tickle artist.

I hardly curse sailors to hell.

The next decade should know it.

I saw your randy granddaddy staring at tourists.

That Kirk Douglas sure neatens the indolent.

Neglected Music Surplus

"Love in the Cake Hole" by Naked Relatives

"People Need Help Like I Need Money" by The Hallowed Alliance Ensemble

"Come Here and Fight Like a Turkey" by Hank Havesome

"Tax, Wax & Relax" by Pope Innocent Enough II

"That's Not a Carrot, This Is a Carrot" by Wobbly Wizard

"Adolf Hitler Had a Farm", an Atlantean military rhyme

"Them Babies Don't Work No More" by Beh Beh

"Methinks I Wrote Paradise Lost" by Pungent Mirth

"I Lost My Mother (Fucking Mind)" by Patsy Cline

"These Nuts Have Already Cracked" by The Imperial Quiz Board

"Never Trust a Stranger with Your Face" by Iffy Sibylla

"We Are the Children" by The Whack Balls

"Cheap Fire" by Free Heat

"I Will Always Love Eggs" by Gordon Gurion Goodthrough

Droppings in a mouthful

Is it ecumenical to use anointments for cleaning tables?

Does Satan blog in Hell's steamy glow?

Never forget the strange case of slippery playboy's misty eyebrows.

Face the Mice - Crisis Management for Elephants in Rooms.

I can't believe I'm the only one who's thinking about God when I'm clutching my crucifix.

The best part of shooting people in the testicles is lifting up the penis.

Atheism is the greatest hobby.

Y'all come back now verbatim.

Pieces of Finnish folk poetry

DEATH

"viekeä minua maata
tupatkate tuutumahan
kirkon kirjatun sivuun
satalauan lappeasen
tervaporstuan poveen
lihavaan luumäkeen
vierelle vihannan nurmen:
siell on äiä äänetöntä
paljo paksua väkeä."

"take me to lie down
lay me down to sleep
at the side of the bright church
beside the hundred-boarded
right inside the tarry porch
on the fat bone-hill
beside the lush grass:
there many silent folk are
crowded together."

- The Dying Maid from Finnish Folk Poetry: Epic

 "Surma syömättä eleä,
maan kumma makoamatta,
kova onni kostumatta,
kalma ilman kasvamatta,
kova onni kuolematta"

Death lives without eating,
earth's adversity without rest,
ill luck without enlivenment,
grave without growing,
ill luck without loss

- Suomen kansan vanhat runot XV

Pieces of Finnish folk poetry

LANGUAGE

"Ei sanat sanoihin puutu,
virret veisaten vähene"

Words won't disappear into words,
hymns won't run out because of chants.

- Kanteletar I, 9.

"Mieleni minun tekevi,
aivoni ajattelevi
lähteäni laulamahan,
saa'ani sanelemahan,
sukuvirttä suoltamahan,
lajivirttä laulamahan.
Sanat suussani sulavat,
puhe'et putoelevat,
kielelleni kerkiävät,
hampahilleni hajoovat."

"I have a good mind
take into my head
to start off singing
begin reciting
reeling off a tale of kin
and singing a tale of kind.
The words unfreeze in my mouth
and the phrases are tumbling
upon my tongue they scramble
along my teeth they scatter."

- Kalevala

Ring The Piranha OCD Hit Parade

Tunes that tickle the back of my thighs.

. Pokela, Kontio, Sariola: Kalevalainen sävelmä (Kalevala melody)
. Jean Sibelius: Andante festivo, Tuonelan joutsen (swan of Tuonela), Sydämeni laulu (song of my heart)
. Giuseppe Verdi: Dies irae
. Claude Debussy: Clair de lune, Nocturnes
. Erik Satie: Gymnopedie 1, Gnossienne 1
. Pyotr Tchaikovsky: Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
. Louis Vierne: Andantino
. Dmitri Shostakovich: String Quartet 2, Symphony 8
. Bernard Herrmann: Psycho Prelude
. Ennio Morricone: L'uomo dell'armonica, Giu la testa, La bambola
. Wendy Carlos: Title Music from A Clockwork Orange
. Ornette Coleman: Peace, Blues Connotation
. Miles Davis: Bitches Brew
. Jouni Kesti & Seppo I. Laine: Vallankumouksen analyysi (analysis of revolution)
. Diamanda Galas: The Litanies of Satan, Deliver Me From Mine Enemies
. Angelo Badalamenti: The Voice of Love
. Dick Dale & His Del-Tones: Misirlou
. Skip James: Devil Got My Woman
. Little Richard: Lucille
. Otis Redding: Satisfaction (from "In Person at the Whisky a Go Go")
. Jimi Hendrix: Manic Depression, Johnny B. Goode (from "Hendrix in the West")
. Black Sabbath: Iron Man, Lord of This World, Into the Void, Supernaut
. Discharge: Is This to Be?
. Terveet Kädet: Tornion kevät (spring in Tornio)
. Napalm Death: Scum
. Celtic Frost: Procreation of the Wicked, Circle of the Tyrants, Dethroned Emperor, Fainted Eyes
. Mana Mana: Kuolla elävänä (to die alive)

Confirmed neck leaks

You can't cook an old stew with new steam.

Pablo Cubasso painty picture horny beast.

Swiss drops keep falling on my cheese.

Which one of you organisms speaks forest?

Throw some honey in the registry and pop goes jehovah.

I feel like a kid in a candy store when I steal false teeth from the elderly.

Twitter? Don't give me odd jobs, you lump!

"Remember that no two things are ever the same."

Steve Allen: How to Think

"The fox urinated in the sea: the entire sea is my urine."
- Sumerian proverb

"Siinä on lissää, sano itikka kun mereen pissi."
(There's more, said the mosquito, as it peed into the sea.)
- Finnish
______________________________________________

"Ei meijjän kanat rupia siun tähen persettään repimään,
sano Paakkalan mies Viipurin torilla, kun rouva moitti munia pieniiks."
(My hens are not going to tear their ass because of you,
said Paakkala at the Vyborg market when a lady complained
that his eggs were too small.)

My irony surpasses all others

I, the first consciousness of chaos

arose from the abyss

to harden matter, to set forms

Odilon Redon

Pieces of Finnish folk poetry

GENITALIA

 "Voi sinä vihanen vittu,
puolen kyrpe purasit"

"Vittulat sotahan lähti
vasten kyrpiä sotahan"

"Kyrpä kuusehen kykäsi
niinkuin kultainen orava
eli näätä kultarinta.
Vittu nousi kannon päähän
niinkuin leveä lehmän paska,
riekisteli, rääkisteli:
- Tule kulta kulkkuhuni,
hopea ikenihini!
Kyrpä vastasi vakainen:
- Tulkoot tuliset nuolet
sinun kutta kulkkuhusi,
ilkiä ikenihisi!
Kyllä muistan muinosetki
ikuset pahat tekosi:
veitpä väänit silmästäni,
aivot päästäni pusersit,
nahan kuorit korvilleni."

Oh you cursed cunt,
cut off half a cock

The cunts went to war,
a war against the cocks

Cock sprinted up a spruce
like a golden squirrel,
a gleaming weasel.
Cunt climbed onto a stump,
like a caked cow's shit,
jeering and sneering:
- Come, golden, into my gullet,
through my mouth!
Cock replied resentfully:
- Let arrows of lightning
come into your grievous gullet,
your miserable mouth!
I can think thoroughly back to
your every evil deed:
stole the strength of my eye,
squashed the brains out of my skull,
stripped the skin up to my ear.

- My translations of verses from Finnish folk poems
Vitun vihat (Curse of cunt)
Vitun synty (Creation of cunt)

Suomen kansan vanhat runot (Old Finnish folk poetry)
loitsuja (spells)

Finnish music picks, folk and classical

Songs that move me a great deal.

Martti Pokela
-- Riekko hangella (Willow Grouse on a Snowdrift)
-- Seitakivi (Seita Stone)
-- Unna ulla nunnu
from "Keskiyön auringon lauluja" (Songs of the Midnight Sun) SFLP 8500, 1969. Based on Lapponian melodies.
-- Muut ne kuuli kirkonkellot (Others Heard the Church Bells)
-- Itkevä tyttö (Weeping Girl)
-- Talapakan Nikolai
from "Kantele of Finland", SLP 531, 1965. Traditional Finnish.

Martti Pokela, Matti Kontio, Eeva-Leena Sariola
-- Kalevalainen sävelmä (Kalevala Melody)
from "Kantele", FACD 018, 1990.

Martti Pokela ja Eeva-Leena Sariola
-- Vanha pelimanni (Old Musician)
from "Kanteleet", LJLP 1027, 1983.
-- Piru kellotapulissa (Devil in the Belfry)

Teppo Repo
-- Omasta päästä, "kävelykeppi" (Improvisation, "walking stick" flute)
-- Paimensäveliä, truba (Shepherd's Tunes, truba trumpet)
from "Paimensoittaja Teppo Repo" (Herdsman's Music from Ingria), KICD 7, 1994

Konsta Jylhä
-- Vaiennut viulu (Silent Violin)
1970

Jean Sibelius
-- Andante festivo (at a festive walking pace)
1938
-- Tuonelan joutsen (The Swan of Tuonela [underworld])
1900
-- Sydämeni laulu (The Song of My Heart)
1898

dictionary

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Index:Finnish

Nothing is certain, except death and x

* Artist: Läjä Äijälä
* Publisher: Huuda huuda

Finnish and translated.

X is the best policy

I used to look for the original comics on auction sites, but now my wildest wishes have been granted and Äijälä's drawings for X magazine come in one beautiful 96-page book.

X came out once a year from 1990 to 1994 and had many artists besides Äijälä. It was sold in sex shops and advertised in S&M/leather... magazines.

Some of these comics are based on earlier ones from the 1980s and some were further combined and remixed for this new book. Finnish magazines Kannus and Sarjari have also featured them.

How would I describe the style? Bleakness and titillation. The tone is laconic, excessive and outrageous. The illustrations are gorgeously rough. What makes this interesting is that it isn't just basic leather and rubber fetishism. The minimal frenzy you see on these pages transcends you. It reminds me of the Japanese artist Hideshi Hino, and in some ways Finnish artists like Kalervo Palsa and Tom of Finland.

A man in his fifties celebrates his opportunity to be middle age crazy: he blows his brains out alone in an apartment and declares his new purpose, rotting.

Pin-up dominatrix Bettie Page has insane sessions with Elvis and Urho Kekkonen beyond the grave. Bettie is the one who crystalises the philosophy:

"You're one of us now!! Evil, good, pleasure... DEATH???
You find it exciting??? You're in a new world now!!! FOREVER."

"Mmm... I wonder what's next!!!"

Something good with three exclamation marks.

To each their x

Läjä was recently on TV talking briefly about his musical principles and how he and Terveet Kädet wanted to "kill all the rednecks in Tornio with their music."

He also appeared earlier on a pop culture program where he talked about his passion for pin-up photography, his early days when he discovered Hasil Adkins, his fellow comic artist Nalle Virolainen and his current obsession with death.

When Läjä was quietly turning the pages of a comic book in front of the camera, the program came to a screeching halt. It was appropriately awkward. It was perfect.

I recommend this book to all the people who wished that Veli-Matti "Läjä" Äijälä had directed films.

It ain't over till the fat lady whips

Anna mulle piiskaa

Give me some spanking