Rinta-Perälä interviews himself

Do you realise how great you are?
I'll congratulate myself in the shower.

What was your nickname at school?
Peppermint Cream.

Do you have a recurring dream?
W. C. Fields climbs a ladder and shouts, "come here, you little coconut!"

What are you afraid of?
Can not answer. Fear singing. Mind thinking static.

What is your favourite texture?
Pureed eggs.

What would be the title of your autobiography?
Six inches of dignity.

Any advice?
When someone tickles you, say ow.

What would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Don't you know who I am?

Oldies But Boldies

"Don't Rub My Junk Up the Wrong Way" by Richard Stolz

"Let's Use Our Inside Fingers" by Whiffy Goldspatter

"Hello Mother, Hello Your Honor" by The Downrights

"Are You Worth Looking at Later?" by Dick Dodger & Maya Schollisred

"Pussy Wants a Cucumber" by Mary Anther

My word

The opposite is not always true.

Pride can't walk on its own.

Flags won't do justice to anything.

Never put all your atoms in one bomb.

We are all born afraid but only some of us die itching.

Have a very vague Christmas

Why do I cry?

I cry whenever I see condoms exploited.

I cry, therefore I dribble.

I cry because bananas stole my thunder.

I cry in order to stretch my puffy face.

I cry tears of joy when oriental discretion is advised.

I cry because I'm unemployed and these eyebrows need shampoo.

I cry a puddle and call it a career.

Things I Appreciate

Tiny children with husky voices.

Confused looks on iconic faces.

Awards for kissy lip service.

The boredom of standardised success.

Eye-opening lunges.

The front of a place in the back and the place in the back of the front.

Just browsing.

Sanitised life clearing its throat on a flight of stairs.

Cynical smirks on a sinking ship.

Getting a runny nose from spiced up compliments.

Lovely things you can say without lips

Those daisies crush all deathly notions.

I understand. That is not the only delicacy concerning the clergy.

Hand out your cheerless cares directly to a tickle artist.

I hardly curse sailors to hell.

The next decade should know it.

I saw your randy granddaddy staring at tourists.

That Kirk Douglas sure neatens the indolent.

Neglected Music Surplus

"Love in the Cake Hole" by Naked Relatives

"People Need Help Like I Need Money" by The Hallowed Alliance Ensemble

"Come Here and Fight Like a Turkey" by Hank Havesome

"Tax, Wax & Relax" by Pope Innocent Enough II

"That's Not a Carrot, This Is a Carrot" by Wobbly Wizard

"Adolf Hitler Had a Farm", an Atlantean military rhyme

"Them Babies Don't Work No More" by Beh Beh

"Methinks I Wrote Paradise Lost" by Pungent Mirth

"I Lost My Mother (Fucking Mind)" by Patsy Cline

"These Nuts Have Already Cracked" by The Imperial Quiz Board

"Never Trust a Stranger with Your Face" by Iffy Sibylla

"We Are the Children" by The Whack Balls

"Cheap Fire" by Free Heat

"I Will Always Love Eggs" by Gordon Gurion Goodthrough

Droppings in a mouthful

Is it ecumenical to use anointments for cleaning tables?

Does Satan blog in Hell's steamy glow?

Never forget the strange case of slippery playboy's misty eyebrows.

Face the Mice - Crisis Management for Elephants in Rooms.

I can't believe I'm the only one who's thinking about God when I'm clutching my crucifix.

The best part of shooting people in the testicles is lifting up the penis.

Atheism is the greatest hobby.

Y'all come back now verbatim.

Pieces of Finnish folk poetry

DEATH

"viekeä minua maata
tupatkate tuutumahan
kirkon kirjatun sivuun
satalauan lappeasen
tervaporstuan poveen
lihavaan luumäkeen
vierelle vihannan nurmen:
siell on äiä äänetöntä
paljo paksua väkeä."

"take me to lie down
lay me down to sleep
at the side of the bright church
beside the hundred-boarded
right inside the tarry porch
on the fat bone-hill
beside the lush grass:
there many silent folk are
crowded together."

- The Dying Maid from Finnish Folk Poetry: Epic

 "Surma syömättä eleä,
maan kumma makoamatta,
kova onni kostumatta,
kalma ilman kasvamatta,
kova onni kuolematta"

Death lives without eating,
earth's adversity without rest,
ill luck without enlivenment,
grave without growing,
ill luck without loss

- Suomen kansan vanhat runot XV

Pieces of Finnish folk poetry

LANGUAGE

"Ei sanat sanoihin puutu,
virret veisaten vähene"

Words won't disappear into words,
hymns won't run out because of chants.

- Kanteletar I, 9.

"Mieleni minun tekevi,
aivoni ajattelevi
lähteäni laulamahan,
saa'ani sanelemahan,
sukuvirttä suoltamahan,
lajivirttä laulamahan.
Sanat suussani sulavat,
puhe'et putoelevat,
kielelleni kerkiävät,
hampahilleni hajoovat."

"I have a good mind
take into my head
to start off singing
begin reciting
reeling off a tale of kin
and singing a tale of kind.
The words unfreeze in my mouth
and the phrases are tumbling
upon my tongue they scramble
along my teeth they scatter."

- Kalevala

Ring The Piranha OCD Hit Parade

Tunes that tickle the back of my thighs.

. Pokela, Kontio, Sariola: Kalevalainen sävelmä (Kalevala melody)
. Jean Sibelius: Andante festivo, Tuonelan joutsen (swan of Tuonela), Sydämeni laulu (song of my heart)
. Giuseppe Verdi: Dies irae
. Claude Debussy: Clair de lune, Nocturnes
. Erik Satie: Gymnopedie 1, Gnossienne 1
. Pyotr Tchaikovsky: Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
. Louis Vierne: Andantino
. Dmitri Shostakovich: String Quartet 2, Symphony 8
. Bernard Herrmann: Psycho Prelude
. Ennio Morricone: L'uomo dell'armonica, Giu la testa, La bambola
. Wendy Carlos: Title Music from A Clockwork Orange
. Ornette Coleman: Peace, Blues Connotation
. Miles Davis: Bitches Brew
. Jouni Kesti & Seppo I. Laine: Vallankumouksen analyysi (analysis of revolution)
. Diamanda Galas: The Litanies of Satan, Deliver Me From Mine Enemies
. Angelo Badalamenti: The Voice of Love
. Dick Dale & His Del-Tones: Misirlou
. Skip James: Devil Got My Woman
. Little Richard: Lucille
. Otis Redding: Satisfaction (from "In Person at the Whisky a Go Go")
. Jimi Hendrix: Manic Depression, Johnny B. Goode (from "Hendrix in the West")
. Black Sabbath: Iron Man, Lord of This World, Into the Void, Supernaut
. Discharge: Is This to Be?
. Terveet Kädet: Tornion kevät (spring in Tornio)
. Napalm Death: Scum
. Celtic Frost: Procreation of the Wicked, Circle of the Tyrants, Dethroned Emperor, Fainted Eyes
. Mana Mana: Kuolla elävänä (to die alive)

Confirmed neck leaks

You can't cook an old stew with new steam.

Pablo Cubasso painty picture horny beast.

Swiss drops keep falling on my cheese.

Which one of you organisms speaks forest?

Throw some honey in the registry and pop goes jehovah.

I feel like a kid in a candy store when I steal false teeth from the elderly.

Twitter? Don't give me odd jobs, you lump!

"Remember that no two things are ever the same."

Steve Allen: How to Think

"The fox urinated in the sea: the entire sea is my urine."
- Sumerian proverb

"Siinä on lissää, sano itikka kun mereen pissi."
(There's more, said the mosquito, as it peed into the sea.)
- Finnish
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"Ei meijjän kanat rupia siun tähen persettään repimään,
sano Paakkalan mies Viipurin torilla, kun rouva moitti munia pieniiks."
(My hens are not going to tear their ass because of you,
said Paakkala at the Vyborg market when a lady complained
that his eggs were too small.)